Random musings on a pumpkin patch

So my colleague asked me today... "How are you doing?" or something to that effect. Essentially, she wanted to know if i was getting what i wanted out of the job.

Gave her a reply that was long and rambling, as is my wont :). But her question set me thinking... so here is an attempt at a more coherent and logical answer.

I am doing fine. The job is enjoyable, and definitely a lot more varied than I imagined it to be. Things are a lot better now that my boss is definitely taking a step back and passing the buck to me to take up. More stress, but also more autonomy and more responsibility. The culture is good, and fun. Where else would one's boss challenge you to dye your hair?

There are still sources of frustration, as is normal in any job. I feel like things are not getting done fast enough, but then again, that arises from my own control-freak tendencies to micro-manage anything and get things done myself if i have to. And that's definitely not the way to go. People are adults, not kids who have to be nagged and told each and every thing to do (well, unless they show that they need to be treated like kids)

While there is a lot of autonomy, it also means a lot of uncertainty and frustration when you have to deal with departments or partners that are beyond your control. This is especially when the departments at headquarters are.... a little passive, to say the least.

And finally, the last source of frustration stems from the simple fact that I am a highly insecure person, and that I belong to a group of employees who are always compared and ranked against each other. So i find myself nit-picking everything i do, trying to figure out whether what i am doing is in line with what my boss wants (and managing a political boss is a very new experience), wondering why I am spending less time churning out papers in my current job than before (which is a ridiculous worry, since doing that would mean trying to do the work of my 3 Deputy General Managers). Not so healthy, yes.

In a nutshell, I am fine, good and happy, but I still feel like there is much to learn. Does that answer your question, LH? :) And don't worry, I don't blow up often, even if u expect me to pull a Vesuvius sometime in the near future.

On other fronts (sounding like a weatherman here), I've finally broken the 9km barrier! Ran through Simei, past ITE Simei, up to Tampines, all the way around Tampines... in 51 min. Running... is fun, even if Len and Fish and everyone else calls me crazy :)

All this running will be good training for Mongolia.. gonna be walking and riding through the Gobi Desert in August. Yup, you heard me right. This nature-phobic scaredy-cat is gonna try and trek through the Gobi Desert and not hate every moment of it :) It's expensive, but better to have tried than to always regret passing it up, no? I just hope there's enough horse-riding training before hand so that I am butt-sore and duck-legged BEFORE the trip, rather than during and after it ;)

On that note, have a good night.

ajantis in atlantis.